MEANWHILE, IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE…

CLIVE ENGEL AND MARTY SCHWARTZMANN, co-founders of the lucrative online “pop culture” blog, TG20, revealed their controversial new website design earlier today in front of a packed theatre of investors, press and members of their notoriously good-looking fan club.

Engel and Schwartzmann sent their sizable online readership into a paroxysm earlier this May when Engel announced that a redesign of the popular website was in the works. “Don’t expect anything too flashy,” wrote Engel, “but hopefully it will make this place a little less Wordpress-y and more… well, annoying to use”. The announcement spawned numerous rumour websites, all of which have been taken down due to server overload.

Almost four months later, the duo decided it was time to release their blog’s new look for the world to see. Drastically different from their previous look, the new design drew audible gasps and frenzied applause in equal measure when the curtains dropped for the first time. At the core of the new design’s controversy, a radical switch from traditional, vertically-flowing pages to an unorthodox, horizontally-scrolling strip for browsing posts. “This change was not one born from some self-conscious desire to be different, as there are loads of other horizontal-scrolling websites out there, or a masochistic urge to invoke the ire of usability experts, but a recognition of the fact that the digital world is, slowly but surely, going widescreen,” declared Engel. “The web may have been built for 4:3 but the eyes with which we look at it is increasingly 16:9. So, why not try something that makes better use of all that commonly wasted space along ye olde X-axis? Why not indeed.”

Despite an initial appreciation for the new look, wary investors were quick to point out that the new horizontal scrolling mechanism, though novel, did not justify the four month wait. Engel was quick to respond, citing the addition of a convoluted creative process and a few crucial moments of unnecessary wheel re-invention. “You know, people have been saying to me, ‘Clive, surely horizontal scrolling wouldn’t have taken 4 months to implement.’ Well, I won’t lie to you – it didn’t, though getting everything nicely centred and scrollable with the mouse wheel across the major browsers did take a while to get right. What took up most of the four months – which was more like two weeks if you condensed all the time I actually had available to work on this – was the evolution of the design concept, which started off as something conceptually similar but visually unrecognisable from what you see today. That, and the simple fact that I spent a good deal of time scratching my head over how to best design certain aspects of the system which I discovered were, upon completion, functions that the WordPress platform already provided. Bah. Let this be a lesson to other would-be WordPress theme developers: have a thorough poke around before attempting to develop anything which may not appear to be built-in at first glance – chances are there’s already a standard function tucked away somewhere designed to do exactly what you want!”

At a glance, the new TG20 website can be characterised by the following design aspects:

• Post browsing is done horizontally. Thus each post, unless it’s quite short, typically can’t be displayed in its entirely, so a small amount of teaser content is provided with a link to continue reading more. Clicking on this link, if there is one, will lead to a more traditional vertical layout for easier reading of the entire post. The site is designed so that even those still viewing in 1024×768 can do so without forcing both horizontal and vertical scrollbars when browsing
• Post categories are colour-coded
• The colour-coded numbers below each post category link in the header indicate how many posts are currently in that category

For the conference’s roaring finale (rumoured to have cost anywhere between $2-3 million) , Engel and Schwartzmann stunned the audience when they unexpectedly broke out into an energetic song and dance amidst a sudden cacophony of lasers, back-up dancers and a 40-piece big-band performing a thrilling cover of Michael Jackman’s 1983 hit, Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’. TG20 fansites have already started circulating lyrical transcripts of the song (excepts below).

We say we wanna be startin’ somethin’
You got to be startin’ somethin’
The best way to make something better
Is usually just to use it and find out

We’re happy with how it’s turned out (yeah yeah)
But please bear with us while we engage in (yeah yeah)
The process of settling in and ironing out (yeah yeah)

Any feedback – good, bad, or meh
Is most welcome and encouraged.
Fire us an e-mail or share your thoughts
In the comments section below!

Ma Ma Se, TG20, Good For Ya!
Ma Ma Se, TG20, Good For Ya!
Ma Ma Se, TG20, Good For Ya!